IN THE DARK
After losing my mother, father, and sister when I was a child, I had not experienced a mother’s love. When I was three years old, I lost my mother, which took a toll on me, making me crave love my entire life. I grew up with three half-sisters and my stepmother, but I always felt alone. In a room full of people, I still felt lonely. My time was always spent locked up in my room. I distanced myself from my family. And, of course, God’s love was nowhere to be found.
I grew up thinking about universal love and happiness. When I found the love, I gave out more than I received. I went the extra mile in relationships because I was afraid of rejection. One of the most savage yet significant quotations I’ve read is, ‘If you were not fed love on a spoon. You would always lick it off knives.’ Of course I only got temporary love from the world, which did not last. I got into a relationship where they treated me like crap, and worst of all, I begged to stay in the relationship because I was willing to choose pain as long as it was link to love, as Lauren Eden did.
The world didn’t give me the love I craved, so I began looking for the love of God. All It did was leave me hollow and desperate for more attention. I was tired of disappointment after disappointment, and my spirit couldn’t take anymore. And that is when I came into an encounter with my creator when I had lost all hope. As I was crying on the floor, I realized that the world could not satisfy my deepest desires, and I turned and surrendered everything to God.
THE SURRENDER to God
Since God created us in His image, we all have a little piece of God in us, and when life pushes us to the wall, we turn to a power higher than us. When I was in my darkest pit, I remembered a higher authority than me and my problems, and I knelt and said a little prayer.
My relationship was in shambles; my business was going down the drain. Even on my knees, I prayed for God to fix my current life because I did not want to give it up; I did not want to give up my control. Spirituality is more about letting go rather than gaining. That is how God works.
After fighting for so long, I finally decided to give all my burdens to the Almighty. I completely surrendered to God. I felt the idea of what to do about my relationship and business – I let it go. I was willing to let God take control, I mean, I had tried to control it myself, and it almost brought me to the grave, so I let the perfect designer design my life the way He pleased. It was the best decision I ever made.
Think about God
So, do you ever think about God? We think about a power bigger than us, a power outside us; whether you are Christian, Muslim, or Buddhist, we all were created with a need to be loved, a hole that craves for gods love; GOD created us in such a way so that we would need Him and only Him to fill the void that we have in us.
When we think about God and surrender to God, we think about giving away our power, which is hard for most people, including me. We always want to be in control and plan the day, week, and month–which is not bad, but how do you know what will happen in the next five minutes? No matter what happens, even if we don’t agree to it. We never know what will happen in the next five seconds. We set that alarm clock with the hope of making it to tomorrow. The truth is there is a higher power controlling our fate. We should surrender everything to God and know He can fix all matters.
God’s love . God gave us free will to choose, but He is still in charge. God created us and everything on earth. He knows us more than we know ourselves, so even though we have been given free will, let’s choose to let God control our lives. I acknowledged that I was ready to give up control and the idea of my relationship, life, and business. I was prepared for God to give me everything he desired.
As I was crying on my bed, I felt an overpowering presence. I cannot describe it; this feeling was so powerful that I could feel His love. I knew that no matter the situation I was confident that He would go through it with me. And I would surrender everything to God; I realized God is love. He loves us, and He created us in his image. His plan for us is not to suffer; he wants us to reach out when we want to. So he can fulfill his perfect will for us. We don’t need to be perfect with God. We should think about God, but we must be valid with Him, tell Him when we are hurting, and be upfront and honest with Him. He is not after perfection; He is after the truth.