IN THE DARK.
After losing my mother, father, and sister when I was a child, I had not experienced a mother’s love. When I was three years, I lost my mother and it took a toll on me, and that made me crave for love my entire life. I grew up with three half-sisters and my step-mother, but I always felt alone. In a room full of people, I still felt lonely. And of course Gods love was nowhere to be found. My time was always spent locked up in my room. I distanced myself from my family.
Growing up, I always looked for love in the world. When I found the love, I gave out more than I received. I went an extra mile in relationships because I was afraid of rejection. As Lauren Eden. Said, ‘If you were not fed love on a spoon, you would always lick it off knives.’ Of course, I only got temporary love from the world, which did not last. I got into a relationship where they treated me like crap, and worse of it all, I begged to stay in the relationship because I was willing to choose pain as long as it was linked to love.
The world didn’t give me the love I craved. All It did was leave me hollow and desperate for more attention. I was tired of disappointment after disappointment, and my spirit couldn’t take anymore, and that is when I came into an encounter with my creator, when I had lost all hope. As I was crying on the floor, I realized that the world could not satisfy my deepest desires, and I turned to my creator.
Since God created us in His image, we all have a little piece of God in us, and when life pushes us to the wall, we turn to a power higher than us. When I was in my darkest pit, I remembered a higher power than me, than my problems, and I knelt and said a little prayer.
My relationship was in shambles; my business was going down the drain. Even when I was on my knees, I prayed for God to fix my current life because I did not want to give it up; I did not want to give up my control. That is not how God works. Spirituality is more about letting go rather than gaining.
After fighting for so long, I finally decided to lay all my burdens to the Almighty. I completely surrendered. The idea that I had about my relationship and business, I let it go. I was willing to let God take control, I mean, I had tried to control it myself, and it almost took me to the grave, so I let the perfect designer design my life the way He so pleased. It was the best decision I ever did.
Think about God
When we think about God, we think about power bigger than us, a power outside us; whether you are Christian, Muslim, or Buddhist, we all were created with a need to be loved, a hole that craves for love, GOD created us in such a way so that we would need Him and only Him to fill the hole that we have in us.
When we think about surrendering, we think about giving away our power, which is hard for most people, including me. We always want to be in control and plan the day, week, month–which is not bad, but how do you know what will happen in the next five minutes? No matter what happens, even if we don’t agree to it. We never know what will happen in the next five seconds. We set that alarm clock by hope, hopes that we will make it tomorrow. The truth is there is a higher power controlling our fate.
God gave us free will to choose but He is still in charge. God created us and everything on earth. He knows us more than we know ourselves, so even though we have been given free will, let’s choose to let God control our life. As I was journaling my thoughts. I acknowledged that I was ready to give up control and the idea of my relationship, my life, and my business. I was ready for God to give me everything he desired.
As I was crying on my bed, I felt an overpowering presence. I cannot describe; this feeling was so powerful I could feel His love. I knew that no matter the situation, I was confident that He would go through it with me; I realized that God is love. He loves us, and He created us in his image. His plan for us is not to suffer; he wants us to need Him so he can fulfill his perfect will for us. We don’t need to be perfect with God, but we need to be true with Him, tell Him when you are hurting, be upfront and honest with Him. He is not after perfection He is after the truth.
God is not responsible for everything in this world, but He always intervenes to mitigate or remedy the situation. I understand even in situations that I feel He did not remedy; He didn’t change the situation; He changed my perception of how I reacted to the situation as Marianne Williamson says, ”a miracle is a shift in perspective.”